Leaving the cinema after seeing Watchmen left me with a heavy, disappointed heart. Even though I’ve not read the graphic novel, I knew the epicness of it. I knew that if it were only it were a little more popular it would be a comic book foundation, like the X-Mens and Batmans of the world. Because of that, this film had a lot to live up to, and it didn’t put out. Watchmen is set way back in the days of the Vietnamese/America war, where the DC world splits from ours. Instead of calling a cease fire, American actually pwns ‘Nam with the help of Dr Manhattan and makes them the 51st state. Nixon stays in power and is currently in his fifth term as President and the tensions between America and the USSR reach boiling point. With the Doomsday clock set to five minutes to, Defcon 1 is initiated and the world is moments away from a nuclear holocaust.

The opening scene quickly pushes us through the history of the Watchmen; in what I’ve noticed to be a trend for DC, the superheroes help out a lot, then the pitch fork yielding townsfolk cry “vigilantly” and the superheroes fall, and eventually become criminalised. I’m sure the comic gets to take it’s time and look at all that plot carefully, but the film doesn’t have time, a massive problem throughout really. We’re then introduced to the second birth of the Watchmen; Rorschach, a key protagonist to the story, is psychotic – having lost his faith in humanity – and always has his trusty gapling gun. A true vigilante who seems to be in favor of the death penalty, but I’m just guessing. Laurie, aka Silk Spectre, daughter of an original Watchmen member who’s simply following in her mother’s footsteps. Adrian Veidt, known as Ozymandias in the glory days, is a genius and the only one who chose to reveal his identity, capitalising upon it. Dan ‘Nite Owl’ Dreiberg is Batman wearing Clarke Kent glasses. Dr Manhattan is quantum-naturalist who’s quickly losing touch with humanity. Finally is The Comedian, who is killed within the first scenes, only to remain Tarantino-esk throughout the film.

Rorschach, MacGyvering it up in this bitch. Yoinked from TVGuide.com

The film represents the book really quite well, albeit in a slightly more kosher way. (Squids aren’t kosher, right? Because otherwise that joke just doesn’t work.) It’s far darker than The Dark Knight, and definitely warrants its 18 certificate with activities ranging from bare, blue cock, to pregnant women getting shot, to rape, to people exploding in bloody masses. The books fans seem to be pleased with the number of easter eggs Zack Snyder – the director – slipped in, and I’ve not heard much outrage over the end plot device being changed either. The one used in the film definitely makes more sense anyway.

I find calling the “plot” anything more than a “sub-plot” difficult. This film clearly wasn’t created to tell a story about a potential nuclear war, but it’s very much a story about its characters. I really, really wish there could have been more about them, and I know Snyder did too. The two hour twenty five minute film really wasn’t long enough to get everything in, and even the three hour directors cut probably will still have the same problem. Because of that, this isn’t really a good movie.

You can’t bond with the “heroes”. We never really saw the relationship between them. Never once in the childhood flashbacks did I think “Oh, gosh. It’s a shame for them,” because I honestly didn’t give a shit. Laurie’s break up with Jon was heartless, and I never once gave a second thought to her relationship with Dan. I wish I could say these were spoilers, but you really won’t be shocked when you see the film. None of their situations really impressed upon me. And it’s not because they’re bad characters. It’s not even because they’re badly written scripts, it’s because we didn’t have enough time to get emotionally attached to them.

I’m definitely not saying that this should have been split over more than one film though. It shouldn’t have been made a film at all. It should have been left to paper where everything is explained so prictinely.