Tag Archives: review

Kongregate games: Splitter

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Maybe I’m just overly stressed tonight, but playing Splitter for the past 17 levels has given me the biggest headache I’ve had in days. I’m not sure why I carried on playing for so long whilst leaving that stupid music turned on! I know it’s flash game and that they need to stay small, and to do that they use looped music. But developers, please, make sure the loop isn’t obvious and god dammed annoying. It’s totally possible, Bloody Fun Day did it, so did Areas. Tonnes have. It is possible.

It’s not even noticeably annoying, until you’ve heard it for fifteen minutes and then BAM! average sized headache.

I'd much rather take my knife to him, thanks.

I'd much rather take my knife to him, thanks.

That stupid grin on the ball guy’s face? Grr! What’s he got to be so happy about? He could blink or something once in a while. I have no urge to help him in the slightest.

Physics engine games are always fairly fun for a while, until you get to the impossible levels that you can only hope to complete by chance after downing half a litre of Felix Felicis. Challenge is always good, but when you know you’re doing the right thing, just not at the exact right millisecond it gets really quite annoying. I spent six or so tries on the stupid level pictured above before angrily giving up and deciding to bitch about it on my blog.

I don’t like this game. I’m sure you’re all dying for one though, so here’s a walk through. At least this video has the common decency to mute the sound and overlay his own music.

Finally finished Twilight

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Twilight seems to be the new Harry Potter. In the way it’s taken off at least, in no way does it match it in storytelling, writing, nor even cover art for that matter. In fact, the only way it is in any way comparable to Harry Potter is that both series exploded from relative obscurity. There the comparison ends, and I feel dirty for bringing it up.

It tells the story of Bella Swan moving from sunny Phoenix to mouldy Forks. She looks on the move with dispassion, not being able to adjust to the drop in temperature she’s so used to in the desert, but that quickly changes as Edward Cullen moves onto the scene. This could have been an ordinary boy-meets-girl love story, but as it turns out it’s not, as Bella discovers Edward’s a vampire.

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Why Watchmen should never have been a film

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Leaving the cinema after seeing Watchmen left me with a heavy, disappointed heart. Even though I’ve not read the graphic novel, I knew the epicness of it. I knew that if it were only it were a little more popular it would be a comic book foundation, like the X-Mens and Batmans of the world. Because of that, this film had a lot to live up to, and it didn’t put out. Continue reading →

An xbox 360 review: My bandwagon turned up late.

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I recently got my student loan and like any good geeky student does, I immediately spent it at the closest electronics store possible (ordering online and have to wait a few days just to save a few pounds simply wasn’t an option). So, one merry day, just before Christmas I purchased myself an xbox 360. At least I only got the premium edition though, rather than the Elite (though, it was tempting).

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Thing-Thing 4: I hate this game

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Thing Thing 4 is Kongregate’s challenge game, which I need to do in order to get the Kongai card. I have all of them since I’ve been registered, and I refuse not to get this one just because the sodding game is crap.

When it was released it didn’t start out too well; it didn’t start at fraking all, actually. It just didn’t load. How Kongregate managed to pick a game to promote like this when it wasn’t even playable is beyond me.

Now it works, and I have to say that I quite prefer sitting at the page and refreshing it every few minutes in the hope that it’s a good game. Apparently though, it isn’t. It’s a sucky little platformer in which you have to run around shooting gimps using the god-damned-mouse. As a laptop user, I strongly dislike mouse orientated games since I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING MOUSE. What I do have though, is a tracer pad that I love and am fairly apt with. Not so apt when the freaking recoil of the gun you’re firing puts you so off target you virtually have to be at the bottom of the screen in order to fire straight.

I died.

I died.

After monotonously killing damn near thousands of these things in the same way – namely keep firing till you run out of bullets, then run into the pool of ammo that has accumulated. Rinse and repeat. – you go into the next area to do the same thing all over again.

Granted, I’ve only been able to get to the five level without wanting to claw my eyes out, but even the landscape is the same. The same background over and over again. Of there is one exception of when you have to kill gimps falling from the ceiling in a frate elevator, which reminded me off Metal Gear Solid, but that really was the only good point of the game. Not the playing, the thinking of Metal Gear Solid.